BARRY'S MEMORIAL SERVICE

JILL:   

Hello Everyone. On behalf of Barry's family I want to thank everybody for coming today. And those of us that couldn't come for joining us by zoom and coming to say a final goodbye, to one of the most unique, amazing humans who have graced this world.

Barry was a husband, a father, a brother, a son, a brother-in-law, an uncle, and a friend. Our Barry, the lover of life, the instigator of the laugh, the Cowboy fan, the Ranger's fan, the marathon runner, the hockey player, the animal lover, the racquetball player, the confidant, and the shmooze. He was as fiercely loyal to his friends as he was to his family. You always knew that he had your back. He truly appreciated thoughtfulness and had a very low tolerance for self centeredness.

Thoughtful is defined as considerate of the feelings or wellbeing of others. Barry was exactly that. It seems like no matter what he was going through, he would always ask you, how are you? How's your family? How's your job? How's your home? And he really listened to your answer. These were not obligatory questions. He really cared about people.He backed down from nothing ever. He was fearless when it came to speaking up and taking action. If you ever witnessed it, you never forgot it.

Alec, he loved you. You had a lot of struggles, kiddo. He loved you, always had your back. Came through with good colors and he was proud of you for that. He told me that. Linda, you were his rock, his partner. He was in awe of your strength and your tenacity. Also your uncanny ability to fix anything. Paul, you were his best friend and hero. You were weaved into the fabric of his life and at the heart of his stories. I think you were always with him in one form or another.

Barry loved people. I never met anybody who could absolutely charm every person who crossed their path. Regardless of where they were from, what they did for a living, how old they were or how young they were. I believe he charmed everyone here. Certainly charmed me for the last 30 years.

Barry loved to laugh and make others laugh. It was one of his greatest gifts. He heard a statistic once that stuck in his head, he said to me after he heard this, do you know, the average child laughs 300 times a day. The average adult, 17. We talked about this more than once and he believed we should be more childlike and strive to laugh more. I must say that I laughed a lot more because of knowing him. And I'll miss that laugh as it's imprinted on my memory.

I think on this day, if he were here with us now, he might appreciate some laughter and some good stories. If you are here today or listening on Zoom and you knew him, and if you knew him, you have a story. It probably involves tequila, partying, a sporting event, or all  three. Since this day is about honoring  Barry,  I know Linda, Alec and Paul would love to hear a shared memory that you might have. No matter how big, how small, how recent or how historical. I hope some of you will come up and share that today. Before we do, I'd like to read a tribute to Barry from his brother, Paul. 

PAUL:   

“My brother was one of the best men who ever walked the earth. Anyone who had the privilege of knowing him would love him. He has that rarest of combination of serious devotion and hilarious fun. We were as close as two brothers could ever be. Together we survived both the nuns and the police.

In our early twenties, we rode together across the country. After that we traveled a lot of other long roads together. He was the best brother ever, the best comrade in arms. And we did this even when we were thousands of miles apart because we were always simpatico and always there for each other. I will miss trading movie lines with him, discussing poker strategy and addressing some of life's more difficult challenges.

I am happy that he led such a beautiful life in San Diego, and perhaps someday that thought will overcome the devastating grief of his tragically sad passing. It happened far too young to someone who always had the gleam of shiny usefulness about him. My brother was simply the best. I will remember him constantly and hope to find some solace in the memories of him and I will mourn his passing everyday for the rest of mine.

JILL:   

As we all will, Paul. So I'm really hoping that somebody here might be able to come up and share a memory that they have with Barry. I have a couple that I would like to share. First of all, just, just his generosity.

So for those of you who don't know, Barry loved to gamble.  Loved a good casino, favorite place to be, and he would often get rooms there. And it became so frequent, that we actually became friends with Jessica, the girl that would check you in at reservations. First name basis, she always saved the best rooms for us. They were always adjoining rooms.

So over a two year period, Jessica, we watched her go in and out of relationships. She got in a good relationship, she got married and she was getting ready to have a baby and you know, her and her husband were struggling financially. Barry works with Linda and they ended up getting Jessica a crib and a highchair and all the possible things you would need and made sure that it was all delivered to her at the hotel, because that's who he was.

And then another one. So he was always watching football during the NFL season and Linda was always putting a second story on the house next door, making rain gutters or doing something like that… 

ALEC:   I'm sure everyone knows about that.

JILL:   So one morning, I think you were getting an apartment ready, so somebody had moved out and you needed to get it ready. So of course she was sanding, refinishing floors, fixing the drywall, getting it ready for rental. Barry was being equally busy switching between 2 football games. I asked him, “What about Linda while you're watching games?” And he said, “Don't worry. I keep her updated on the scores.”

So he actually offered to help, at halftime of course, he offered, "Do you need me to do anything?" And she said, “Yeah, can you just vacuum the living room?” So she's doing everything there. So he takes the vacuum out. No problem, I got it. Turns it on, steps on a lever and clink clink this little metal thing just drops inside the vacuum cleaner. So he went next door and Linda said “Linda, I think I might have broken the vacuum cleaner.” So Linda's like, “I’ll fix it. Just take the plants next door.” So she immediately starts taking the vacuum cleaner apart and fixing it. So Barry of course got this plant very carefully walks over, walks upstairs then was like, “I can't do it” and drops the plant. I think we know why Barry didn't help Linda very often.

Anybody like to come up and share a story? 

CANDI:   Oh, gosh, I have so many little things. 

JILL:   Little things are great. Little, big, anything you've got.

CANDI:   

I lived in Hamilton Home and I worked for Linda and Barry for a while. And there were periods when Linda and Alec would be going to the desert. So Barry and I would be handling the house and cats. Harold decided one day he'd get really sick. And Barry called me over, “Something's wrong with Harold. He can't go to the bathroom.” I said “That's bad, you need to go to the vet.” “Well it's Sunday and it'll be expensive.” So we got Linda on the phone, she made him go.

Then there was the pool pump. It was going to storm really really big one night. And so Barry came to me and said, “I need your help. Linda says I got to get the pool pump ready.” And I'm like, I've never done anything with a pool my entire life. So he gets the system out and I'm looking, I'm like, “oh, okay, let's get it in the hole. And then it goes in there.” He had somehow managed to put it together upside down, so it wouldn't stay down. But I came over and helped him figure that out.

We had a unique relationship where we knew we could call on each other at any moment and the other person would help. And every time I would be in a bad mood and ready to scream. He would come up to me and say the most absurd, ridiculous thing, and then you start laughing and you forget why you're angry. Yeah. He always made me laugh. I will miss you, Barry. 

RENE:   

So I lived in the downstairs apartment for almost a year. And Barry always looked out for me, he was just wonderful. My husband was still up in Northern California getting our house sold, getting everything packed and moved down here. So I'm coming out of my apartment and I've got my garbage in my hands and Barry was standing by the barbecue. He says, “Oh, let me take them for you.” I said, “That's nice, that's really sweet.” And he said "Can you do me a favor?" I said, "Sure, what?" He said, " Can you light the barbecue for me?"

And then another time our plumbing backed up in our apartment. So I called Barry, he came over, he just walks in and just hands me his credit card. Because Linda was in Maine. Thank god for Linda or Barry never would have survived.

SAL:   

So I met Barry at a very strange interview. I was applying for a job and he was an administrator at Red Hill. So when we were done with the interview, she said, “We’ve got to go meet Barry.” “OK, let's go meet Barry.” So we go upstairs and he sits down, she sits over here. He said "I heard good things about you." And he asked me a couple of things. Then he asked me one last question, “Sal, do you like to drink beer?" I'm sitting there thinking this has got to be a trick question. So thinking honesty is the best policy, I said “Yeah, why?” And he said “You’re hired!”

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He's the reason I met my wife, he's just a great, great guy. One last thing. Another time, we are having a beer. He was thinking of going to somebody’s memorial. And he said, “I hate those things, but the reason I go is because I want people to come to mine”

KENIIA (KSUSHA):   

I met Barry 12 years ago, when I first came to the United States from Russia. There were 4 Russian girls. Nobody came to pick us up. Now  we're supposed to stay in their house. So all the last flight from New York and we're in the San Diego airport.  Didn’t know anything, barely speaking English, trying to get a call to the person who was supposed to give us a ride.

Empty airport, I hear little older gentlemen we're like, who's that? I'm pretty sure he was wearing his Marine Corp sweatshirt. He said  I am here to pick up four Russians.

For the first time he was always so helpful and we met him at the time. He was there for us, of course, for us young girls who needed a ride. "I'm here, I'm happy to do it" We stayed in touch, I went back to Russia and came back. I stayed in their house in Alec's room. I was like, you're like my American dad. He was saying “No, I’m too old. I’m your uncle”

He was the best person. He was a dad figure to me here. I was staying there when I met my husband. He always gave me advice and said “Don't blow it off. Be smart”… So now I am married with 2 children…. He was always special. He's the reason why I gained so much weight, when I came to San Diego because every time we went to the beach we’d stop at Jack in the Box and get a giant milkshake with extra whipped cream and cherries”

Oh, and Nicolas, we call him Topsy because he couldn't swim. So it was our inside joke. For first time I got Nicolas to swim because I had a piece of cheese and I dragged him into the water. And when he realized he couldn't swim he started drowning, Barry's like "what are you doing to my dog?!" 

He always had the best jokes. I'm so happy I got to talk with him on Father's day one last time.

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ALEC:

I really do want to thank all of you for coming. It means a lot to me and my mom to see how much my dad was cared for and loved, and just the impact on every single person he interacted with. I didn’t prepare anything, I just wanted this to be as genuine as possible. But you can really see here that like, the meaning of life gets debated a lot. I really think that if you interact with the world in a way that makes it better when you leave it, then you’ve fulfilled something great in this world. And you can really see that just through sheer interaction and strength of character that my dad just really made an impact on every single life. And it really just means a lot for me to see that. And yeah, he just, he really just lead by example and it was one of his greatest qualiities, just through being a good leader, a thoughtful person and someone that you really could just talk to you about anything that you needed. Yeah. You know, he'll be dearly missed. By everyone in this room, none more than myself.

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UVIi:   

Getting back to my brother’s story, Sal, you talked about Barry, the first interview and stuff. The week after, he goes to the river and breaks down.  Sal calls me up and said “Uvie I need you to call my boss and tell him that I'm not going to be able to make it because we broke down.” So, yeah, that's fine. So I called Barry. Barry’s on the phone, now all three brothers sound alike. We even cry the same.

I said, "this is Uvi, Sal’s brother"

Barry said, "Come on Sal, stop messing around..."

"No seriously" I said, "I’m Sal’s brother, Uvi"

He said, "What kind of a name is that?"

"It’s short for Ustanio"

"What the hell is that?"

"Sal told me to call you because he broke down on the way back from the river"

"Alright Sal, if you’re not going to make it, you don’t have to make up a brother to tell me you won’t be able to make it. All right. When will he be back?"

"He said to tell you Tuesday"

"All right. So we'll see you on Wednesday"

A couple of months later, I was at a beautiful party they would have at the house, they were so much fun. Finally I show up and when I got there, he's like, what'd you dig up some guy who said his name is Uvi. I said “I’m his brother.”

He said, “you sure don’t look like him.” We don’t look similar.

And then another one, was my brother, you know, because of Linda & Barry, that's how my brother found his beautiful wife and now they have got beautiful kids. He asked him to be his best man. Barry told him no because every time I’m the best man, they get divorced. So I ended up being his best man. 

He said "Oh no, don’t put that on me, I don’t want any part of that."

He was a great guy! The last time I saw him, it was at work. I would go there to interpret, he came out with a big smile saying “Hey Uvi, what’s up?” He’d come out and sit right next to me and just talk to me. He always made you feel so welcomed. He was a beautiful soul.

XANNA:

I am the fifth Russian girl “The original” That’s right, the original, but I got to experience first hand what Alec said about Barry. Is that his heart and his touch with people, no matter how short, no matter how brief. He helped me personally, before I met Sal even,with just kind of moving into places. Like the other Russian girls I didn't have a lot of resources or other people, and Barry was there for you no matter what, what you needed and at what time of day or night he was there.

I could not agree more that he touched so many people in this world just by being Barry, being himself. And I have my family because of Barry, just like, I think quite a few people in this room. So, um, he absolutely will be best missed and his impact will live on

BOB:   

I was driving down from University City and the clouds today were huge, billlowing and gorgeous and it just started me thinking of Barry. I’m more buddhist than anything else, even though I don’t study it. I’ve talked to thousands and thousands and thousands of people. Sometimes extensively and Barry ,without a doubt, was the most gentle individual I've ever met. And the kindest. And like everyone has experienced, could make you laugh and every time I saw him he made me laugh.

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And, he actually helped me. He kicked me out of Red Hill, pushed me out of Red Hill gently. He said start doing this on your own. (inaudible) It a huge certainly made a financially, difference in my practice (inaudible) and helped me get to know the people on the worker's comp side.

Linda made him better and Barry made Linda better and Alec better and (inaudible)

KRISTIN:

I’m going to cry more than anything. I like so many people Met Barry moving to California, not knowing anyone. Barry and Linda, I call them my parents, I don't know what I would have done without them.

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A few years ago, I got cancer and don't know what I would've done without Barry. He just went out of his way to support me when I was so far away from my family.Even afterwards, I went for a week-long solo hiking through Sequoia once treatment ended. He sent me a text that said “I would tell you to watch out for bears but I know it’s just the opposite”. He would always remind me of how strong I was. He did that with everybody. And I just wanted to share a story from someone he worked with. 

MICHELLE, who was his speech therapist. She says it was an honor to know and work with Barry. He made all of us laugh and even taught me how to play poker, what limit, no limit meant. The only thing he talked about more than hockey was his family and friends. He truly loved you all so much.

DEBBI:

My name's Debbi. Like Sal and Uvie, I met Barry when I went in for an interview at Redhill many, many, many years ago. Um, and basically he found out that I worked with Jim Eucce and H Paul Bauer. Then he said, do you like to party? Yeah. You're hired.

After that, many, many, many years of just friendship and fun, all the happy hours and games. I met some dear, dear people. Barry has a heart of gold.

We lived in Hamilton house, probably 4-5 years. Both My children were there. My son was born there. Just there's not enough good things. I think that you come into this world and you make a huge difference, then you've done your job and now he gets to rest in peace. He will be very very missed.

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ANASTASIA:

I met Barry 12 years ago. I came here with another girl. And I was 18. "How old are you?" We caused so much trouble for Linda and Barry that year. Oh my God, his patience, But after all, we left and came back and I’ve shared so many laughs with Barry. So many tears, mine obviously. He was every time there. Every time, in the middle of the night, he would probably be there. 

He has the greatest heart and together, you guys, as a family created a home, which was actually home for so many people all over the world. Whoever would visit you guys would feel welcomed, warm and loved. And this is what Barry and Linda created together, with his big heart and your love for everyone.

I'm beyond grateful to know you guys and to have a man like him in my life. He was a true father figure for me. And I've never felt left alone here even being thousands of miles away from my home. I just want to say how grateful I am for this man and how big of a heart he has. Love you guys.

????:

I met Barry at US Healthworks, so I only knew him for a short time but the impact he had on my life is incredible. I loved going there. I was only there every other week, but that was my favorite day. I’d say it was like going to Disneyland, and I get to go there. 

One year on his birthday I found this card and it just touched him so much. It had this cute little guy on it with a suit and glasses and I gave it to him for his birthday. He loved that card so much, he framed it. That touched me, “That was me when I was little, I was a cute little kid.”

What he did for people and just his presence. I mean, I used to love it when he'd walk in, because you just saw this bright light, and it was just happiness. And even when he called me and he goes, “you know, you've got to talk to your doctor, he is really not doing his thing…” He used to always call me T. Come on, T can you help me with this? He's going to be missed. And I loved him so much in that short time. And I’m sorry for your loss. And we all feel that loss.

MIKE: 

I haven't rehearsed this at all. This is just a testament that he didn’t just help Russian girls. I live over there with Nicole. I remember one day I was having a real rough time. I went by the pool, I had my feet in the jacuzzi and he comes up and he sits in one of the chairs next to me. I was just mourning the loss of some of my Marines back in 2009 and, um, you know, I kind of mentioned that to him. He had a way of asking you what's wrong, and then you just tell him things. Like things my therapists struggled with for years. But Barry asks and you just tell him.

Yeah, we’d talk. He was just a genuine person and I'll never forget that day because after we had a really good talk, he looked at my jug of water next to me and said, "what's that about?"  I was like, "uh, recovering from a crazy night last night" And he laughs he was like, "I knew there was a reason I liked you."

????:  

I apologize I probably won’t contain myself. I'm sorry I have to bring back up another Russian girl. I was actually a coworker at US Healthworks. He literally made work not feel like work everyday. He would come in and he would have jokes, he would have smiles. He would make the day feel, I don't know, as you said, he comes in and it was sunshine and it was happiness.

I sat at the front of the physical therapy side and he had his office kind of in the back. And every time he would come in, I would peek over the desk and he would say “there’s my little meerkat!” When he had started having health issues and was trying to get healthier, I kind of became the guard of what he was eating and drinking. I don’t know how but my timing was such that I would always walk in and he would have a Coke Cola. “How do you do that, this is the first one today.” Put that away, it's got too much sugar for you. I would make a joke.

When I put in my two weeks and got another job, he was devastated. So sad that, you know, what are we going to do? We're not going to see each other every day. I said that's okay, I'm actually an exit away, not too far. Oh, okay, I’ll visit. Sure enough on my first day at the other job, he walks in a hour later “Are you sure you didn’t change your mind?” and visited at least once a week, he kept his promise. He is a sweetheart and will really be missed.

ALEC:

I've just got more of an actual story. Okay, so if you don't know, my dad was probably the most technologically illiterate person. He always had a way of, when he had to do something with technology, just kind of slinking his way into making someone else do it for him. It was just always kind of a recurring joke in our household because he just couldn't even perform the most basic functions, like adding a contact to a cell phone.

Yeah, I don’t know, it's just weird. You don't think you would miss something like that, but you kind of do. And it's just kind of a laugh for me now, just to kind of think about how creative he would get in how he would avoid technology. 

I mean, that's about it. It just blew my mind because he really went like, you know, like the girls at his work, he’d get them to help with his work computer. Like, you know, just get me to do literally anything else, like when COVID started, you know, everyone's working from home. Every single morning I had to actually get him hooked up with his work.

BOBBI:

(Read by  her sister Jill) What can I say about Barry that hasn't already been said, or will be.. Barry was my partner in crime, along with many of you. We've been on quite a few adventures together and Barry would roll his eyes and say “God, No." (I was witness to that) "Someone needs to tap me out” but he never did. He would laugh and roll with it. Thank you Barry for all the laughs. And thinking I was insane because I told you there were penguins in Vegas, I saw them by the pool. After a rough night, you realize there were penguins.

Following Jill and I through the casinos by following our trail of Amstel Light bottles. We all have fun, hysterical stories like this, and many more about our Barry, but our biggest story was about his love for his family and friends. Barry loved, big and hard, and we all knew it. He was the first one that would turn out for the good and the bad. He loved his family and friends. I am so thankful that I am able to consider Barry part of my family and letting me into his. You do not often, if at all, get a “Barry” in our lives, but I know if I can be a “Barry” to someone I'm a better person for it.

Linda and Alec, I’m so sorry for your loss. My heart is broken as is everyone else's. Thank you, both for sharing Barry with us all in. Paul, so sorry you will now pull double duty for Jill and I. I love you, Barry and will miss you. As the Bruno Mars song goes, you can always count on me. You can always count on me whenever I hear that I will think of you my friend, my brother.

PS: I got a message from Captain Morgan and they said the stocks dropped dramatically, so raise a toast!